Touch
Heals
Sex
and ntimacy
Coaching
Q: I was diagnosed with prostate cancer last year at the age of 50. I had prostate surgery and am now fully engaged in the recovery process. As you know, one of the side-effects of this surgery is erectile dysfunction, which can be temporary or a long-term issue. In addition, there are psychological effects that come into play, including feelings of inadequacy, fear of impotence, and the loss of external ejaculations. Also, I'm still working at regaining continence; when physically stimulated, I have a tendency to leak, which causes me to feel a bit self-conscious. I hope and expect that the side effects of my treatment will be temporary (call me an eternal optimist). Do you have any experience/ success helping one through this challenge?
A: Yes, I have worked with a number of men in your situation who have dealt with the consequences of prostate cancer (and/or prostatectomy) on sexual functioning, and I'd be happy to do some work with you in that regard. Your positive attitude is definitely a big plus.
There are several things that I have found to be effective in this process. One is simply having the opportunity to talk about all the feelings involved, such as the feelings of inadequacy you mentioned, in a safe and free and supportive environment. Bodywork can also be extremely beneficial, in two different ways: 1) paying attention to the body and receiving nurturing, relaxing full-body massage as a way of dealing with the various stresses of surgery and prostate cancer treatment; 2) including some coaching and practice at experiencing and appreciating the varieties of pleasure available in your body -- stuff that we as men often take for granted in our erotic lives until the emergence of erectile dysfunction -- the best treatment for ED is practice at focusing on pleasure rather than performance, which I can help with; 3) having a safe space to discuss and explore genital pleasure and functioning during the process of recovering from prostate cancer treatment. After the immediate recovery from surgery, it's usually a good idea to continue self-pleasuring (masturbating) -- it's going to feel different from before, and there will be adjustments and variations I can show you. Often doctors recommend using Viagra during the first year after surgery, to keep the juices (erotic energy, physical pleasure) flowing, so to speak.
All that is to say: I'd be happy to meet with you, do some talking and touching, and see where to go from there.
posted April 28, 2007
~ DON
SHEWEY ~
Telephone: 212-956-4205 or email me at don@donshewey.com