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WORKSHOPS
AND CLASSES
"AUTHENTIC EROS:
body sex spirit explorations for men"
A workshop for gay men facilitated by Kai
Ehrhardt and Don Shewey
LEVEL 1 AND 2:
April 17-20, 2008 at Easton Mountain Retreat,
upstate New York
April 24-27, 2008 at Ronora Lodge, southwestern
Michigan
LEVEL 3:
October 13-19, 2008, in Berlin
"COME TO YOUR SENSES: Cultivating Sensuality in
Tuscany"
a program for gay men facilitated by Don Shewey and John Ballew
June 7-14, 2008
"BODYWORKERS IN TOUCH: community, connection, and self-care for touch professionals"
July 18-20, 2008
Easton Mountain Retreat, upstate New York
"Men
in Touch: Sensual Massage for Couples"
A one-day class taught by Don Shewey
IN THE NEWS
Helen Fisher, an anthropologist and the
author of Why We Love, has long studied the human brain and love.
She theorizes that the brain has evolved three mating drives: lust, the
craving for sexual gratification; romantic love, a focused attention on
another, often compared to an opiate-like state; and attachment, the
feelings of calm, security and union with a long-term partner. Each drive
travels along a different pathway in the brain, Dr. Fisher and colleagues
say, each associated with different neurochemicals.
“Lust is associated primarily with testosterone in both men and
women,” she said. “Romantic love is linked with the natural stimulant
dopamine and perhaps noreprinephrine and serotonin. And feelings of
attachment are produced primarily by the hormones oxytocin and
vasopressin, which at elevated levels can actually suppress the circuits
for lust.
“I’m not so sure that sex drive diminishes when most people believe it
does,” she added. “Show me a middle-aged woman who says she’s lost
her sex drive, and I’ll bet if she got a new partner, who excited her,
her neurochemical levels for lust and romantic love would shoot back
up.”
-- Camille Sweeney, New York Times
"ASK DON"
Q: I was diagnosed with prostate cancer last year at the age of 50. I had prostate surgery and am now fully engaged in the recovery process. As you know, one of the side-effects of this surgery is erectile dysfunction, which can be temporary or a long-term issue. In addition, there are psychological effects that come into play, including feelings of inadequacy, fear of impotence, and the loss of external ejaculations. Also, I'm still working at regaining continence; when physically stimulated, I have a tendency to leak, which causes me to feel a bit self-conscious.
I hope and expect that the side effects of my treatment will be temporary (call me an eternal optimist). Do you have any experience/success helping one through this challenge?
A: Yes, I have worked with a number of men in your situation who have dealt with the consequences of prostate cancer (and/or prostatectomy) on sexual functioning, and I'd be happy to do some work with you in that regard. Your positive attitude is definitely a big plus.
There are several things that I have found to be effective in this process. One is simply having the opportunity to talk about all the feelings involved, such as the feelings of inadequacy you mentioned, in a safe and free and supportive environment. Bodywork can also be extremely beneficial, in two different ways: 1) paying attention to the body and receiving nurturing, relaxing full-body massage as a way of dealing with the various stresses of surgery and prostate cancer treatment; 2) including some coaching and practice at experiencing and appreciating the varieties of pleasure available in your body -- stuff that we as men often take for granted in our erotic lives until the emergence of erectile dysfunction -- the best treatment for ED is practice at focusing on pleasure rather than performance, which I can help with; 3) having a safe space to discuss and explore genital pleasure and functioning during the process of recovering from prostate cancer treatment. After the immediate recovery from surgery, it's usually a good idea to continue self-pleasuring (masturbating) -- it's going to feel different from before, and there will be adjustments and variations I can show you. Often doctors recommend using Viagra during the first year after surgery, to keep the juices (erotic energy, physical pleasure) flowing, so to speak.
All that is to say: I'd be happy to meet with you, do some talking and touching, and see where to go from there.
posted April 28, 2007
Previous
columns have dealt with questions like: "Am I sexually
compulsive?" "How can I prolong arousal without ejaculating
faster than I want to?" "How can I prepare my body to enjoy anal
sex?" "I have difficulty ejaculating with a partner -- what can
I do?" "How can I deal with performance anxiety?"
"What can I do about a friend who is addicted to fetish sex?" and "What if I prefer cuddling to
genital sex?" You can read my answers by clicking here.
Have a question
for Don? Email him here.
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